Saturday, September 02, 2006
A sign of maturity?
Don't know what people make of it...
But, tonight, I looked at myself, cold and hard in the eye, and I just can't help but feel that I never lived to my potential as an intellect, as an all-rounded student.
Perhaps I have become to lenient and lax in my ways.
Plenty has gone through my mind. My cousin's birthday last week, just before my repeats. Quite happily though, I received a Friendster message in reply for sending her birthday wishes. I haven't seen her in a long time. Was, and still is, my favourite cousin. So understanding and warm. And quite nicely, settled in Australia, graduated and working, and has a boyfriend. Hm hm.. The last time I saw her... was long long ago, before I finished my HSC... I only went to her College once there in Sydney (it was an all girl's school, so you can imagine the furore I may have created, being a guy waltzing in to see my cuz with my mum at her school :P).
Those days are long gone.
Long times.
Perhaps I made a mistake somewhere. I don't know. I don't have the time to think about what may have gone right, or wrong. All I can do is look forward. Regardless of what happens around me. Time to rebuild that shell I once struggled out of? I don't know. I write far more than I actually should.
It's more or less a fact for me now, that I am Mr. Eligible Bachelor, and not looking at the moment. I've had my moments of infatuations (or so someone used to tell me a long time ago..)... but yeah.
I am just too gosh darn kind. That's my problem. If I were more stingy, perhaps I wouldn't have had to deal with having to study this far out.
I am too self-centred. My past is reeking of that. Once, that was my problem, and it meant my mum got her bag snatched. Which compounds my guilt that I carry as a burden to ensure I don't do the same things wrong twice.
I am just... Mr-I-Love-Everyone. That's my real problem. I end up caring for everyone. But myself. I don't know. I must change for the better. For my own good in particular. Or this decline may spiral just too quickly and forever.
But, tonight, I looked at myself, cold and hard in the eye, and I just can't help but feel that I never lived to my potential as an intellect, as an all-rounded student.
Perhaps I have become to lenient and lax in my ways.
Plenty has gone through my mind. My cousin's birthday last week, just before my repeats. Quite happily though, I received a Friendster message in reply for sending her birthday wishes. I haven't seen her in a long time. Was, and still is, my favourite cousin. So understanding and warm. And quite nicely, settled in Australia, graduated and working, and has a boyfriend. Hm hm.. The last time I saw her... was long long ago, before I finished my HSC... I only went to her College once there in Sydney (it was an all girl's school, so you can imagine the furore I may have created, being a guy waltzing in to see my cuz with my mum at her school :P).
Those days are long gone.
Long times.
Perhaps I made a mistake somewhere. I don't know. I don't have the time to think about what may have gone right, or wrong. All I can do is look forward. Regardless of what happens around me. Time to rebuild that shell I once struggled out of? I don't know. I write far more than I actually should.
It's more or less a fact for me now, that I am Mr. Eligible Bachelor, and not looking at the moment. I've had my moments of infatuations (or so someone used to tell me a long time ago..)... but yeah.
I am just too gosh darn kind. That's my problem. If I were more stingy, perhaps I wouldn't have had to deal with having to study this far out.
I am too self-centred. My past is reeking of that. Once, that was my problem, and it meant my mum got her bag snatched. Which compounds my guilt that I carry as a burden to ensure I don't do the same things wrong twice.
I am just... Mr-I-Love-Everyone. That's my real problem. I end up caring for everyone. But myself. I don't know. I must change for the better. For my own good in particular. Or this decline may spiral just too quickly and forever.
